About last week - When the universe puts you on your arse.

For about a month my body has been trying to tell me something. For the first time in my life, I have developed a Dermatitis on my skin. Initially it started as a spider bite 8 months ago, that was treated but honestly the skin on my foot hasn’t been the same since, manageable, but not the same. Fast forward to this last month, I was told it was Tinea to which I replied “I am way too fancy for Tinea” so I went ahead and did what everyone does - I googled it. I did go home and continue with their treatment recommendations, which did nothing. I didn’t think it was Tinea, as I hadn’t been anywhere to catch it, it was isolated to one foot and no one else in my house had caught it.

Now in true style of the old saying - “Where focus goes, Energy flows.” I was so consumed and perplexed at this new symptomatic thing that was flaring up all over my body. I have never previously suffered from issues with my skin. In the last 2 weeks. The Dermatitis then started popping up on my elbows, knees, where my socks rub, and on my hands. This disturbance in my skin is triggered by heat and surface pressure.

For me, as always when I check in with myself, especially if any symptomatic stuff is occurring, I like to reference the late and fantastic author Louise Hay. An acclaimed medical intuitive and self-healer. Her successful book - “You can heal yourself” has been my go-to over the years in aiding how I care and support myself and others to heal. Now don’t get me wrong, I still reach for the Panadol and Nurofen and I do go to the doctors if I have too, but I will also think outside the box and see what underlining emotional thing/s might be going on to contribute to these symptoms. As a firm believer of accountability, I ask “How have I contributed to this?” That is a valid and necessary part of all healing.

The last few months have been busy, but I now recognize I have been using “busy” as a very clever procrastination tool. I have some things I need to move forward on, but the IMPOSTER SYMDROME has been turning up a lot and I’ve used “busy" to stay away from her fears. Delaying what I am supposed to be doing, from fear of it not being received well - meaning I’m keeping busy to run away from rejection. Now - the universe believes in me, more than I sometimes believe in myself. Overall, I have honed and hold a beautiful relationship with myself through knowing my self worth and growing my self appreciation and self love. Sometimes though, especially when trying new things the imposter syndrome will bring up a few old wounds.

Thankfully I know the universe is bigger and better than any fear based, unhelpful imposter thoughts. So prehaps the universe (in her clever divine way) saw a way to knock me off my feet and not give the option to keep moving. “AHA - says the universe. If we take her feet for a little while - she can’t run, she can’t hide, she can’t be busy. She is stuck, and being stuck is the fastest way to build frustration and then that creates a crossroad for opportunity.” pfft - annoying. I am forced to reflect back again on my shadows and where I have a bit more healing to do. This work will be on rejection and how uncomfortable rejection makes me feel.

Now the Dermatitis - as I look into that, the question that comes up for me is “What is getting under my skin? Where do I need to have some bravery to speak up for yourself, for things that annoy me.” I think this very much links back into me not speaking back to, and for allowing the imposter syndrome to raise its ugly head again. I’m annoyed that this procrastination still has a hold over me. We can store old wounds in very far away, unconscious area of our being. That when under enough “heat and pressure” these old wounds can float back up to the surface and muddy our water a little.

Recognizing this, I take this time to lean into these shadows, and head back to my affirmations and mediations. To go back within and to get clear direction and wisdom. To feel into when rejection has showed up in my life and that, when I trust the universe and my divine purpose then it is not human rejecting me it is more about - that is simple not the direction I am supposed to take OR they are not the people I am meant to be with and THAT IS OK.

If these are all feelings that you have experienced then perhaps these affirmation could help you -

I am worthy.

I am capable.

I am brave.

I don’t have to take things personally.

I am good enough.

I trust in the divine and my purpose.

Because we are all of these things. Wonderful, capable and we can be brave - together.

xoxoxoxoxo

Take care everybody and enjoy your week ahead.

As always, thank you for reading.